1984, All Over Again


Disclaimer 1: This is a very sad little story, very unlike the small humorous things I’m usually posting. So now you’ve been warned. 😦

Disclaimer 2: This is fiction. This is futuristic fantasy. There is no intention to make any statements, one way or another, about certain companies that are mentioned in this story, purely for illustrative purposes.


The date is the 4th of July, 2084. The scene is the General Electric Primary School Number 27-3842. The time is 8:30 am.

“Good General Electric morning, class.”

“Good General Electric morning, teacher.”

“Now, I hope you’re all excited about participating in our ‘Proud to be an American sponsored by General Electric’ pageant this evening. We’re going to have lots of good patriotic fun! Winston, stop picking your nose. As you know, we’ll be rehearsing our lines and the songs again right after morning prayers, and then one last time again after lunch. Julia, do stop squirming – sit still or I’ll have to dock you a General Electric brownie point. OK, let’s start our morning prayers. Bow your heads and – yes, yes, what is it Winston?”

“Ms. Geena, my great-grandma was looking at the script for this evening, and she says it’s poor that President Barry Obama doesn’t get mentioned. She says it’s false history, or something …”

“Winston, you know very well that your great-grandmother has gotten herself in trouble many times because of her silliness. You really shouldn’t be listening to her. Anyway, that horrible man you’re talking about, he was never really president. And his name was Hussein Obama, not Barry – he wasn’t even an American. We shouldn’t even be talking about him, he’s an unperson. He was very un-American. Julia, you must not talk until you’ve been given permission to speak. Now class, bow your heads – oh, all right, all right, what is it Julia?”

“But Ms. Geena, my daddy says that’s not true! He says that Barry Obama was president! He says he was a great president! That’s what he says. He says that his grandmother told him many times that he shouldn’t believe all the dumb stories that everyone keeps telling about President Obama.”

“Now really, this has got to stop! You must not refer to that disgusting Hussein Obama, that evil un-American foreigner, as president of the United States. That is just too, too – too un-American. No more talk about him, or I’ll have to start talking about discipline and shock treatment, and we don’t want any of that – oh goodness, don’t you start sniveling, Betty. What is it?”

“Sorry, Ms. Geena, but I can’t help it. It’s because my great-grandma starts crying every time she tells the story about Barry Obama. She says she worked for his campaign when she was real young, she worked real hard to help get him elected. And every time she tells the story, she, she just breaks down sobbing and, and …”

“Yes, yes, yes, your great-grandmother and Winston’s great-grandmother, they do make quite the pair! I’m beginning to think I should have a word with The Founder’s Devotion people and have them both scheduled for a bit of patriotic reinforcement. Oh, goodness, now what, Winston?”

“Ms. Geena, when my great-grandma talks about Barry Obama and she says she also worked to help him get elected – Ms. Geena, what does that mean? What does ‘getting elected’ mean?”

“Well, long ago there was a strange system, I’m afraid I must admit I don’t really know much about it, but it didn’t work. That’s for sure. That disgusting Hussein Obama calling himself president, that was proof that elections didn’t work. Yes, John?”

“Our previous teacher, Mr. Orwell, he knew about elections. He said that meant that the people could choose the president. He said …”

“Enough! Enough! No more talk about such un-American ideas! Anyway, as you know, Mr. Orwell was fired when this school became a ‘Sponsored by General Electric’ school. So now he’s unemployed, and I’m not. He thought that schools could be financed by taxes, and now you can see where he is. Taxes are an evil, foreign, un-American concept. Thank goodness for General Electric and for the corporate beliefs that make this country great. Oh, Betty, do stop that crying. What is it now?”

“Is it true, what my great-grandma says, that Blackwater shot down Barry Obama’s helicopter with a rocket, and killed him? That’s what my great-grandma says. And then she breaks down crying. Every time.”

“Enough! Enough of this, this blasphemy! And on the 4th of July! My goodness, your great-grandmother is definitely going to be reported to The Founder’s Devotion! That is a disgusting, reprehensible thing to say about Blackwater-Pentagon, about our brave men and women in uniform, who make this country great and defend us from those un-American foreigners who are constantly trying to destroy us. Really, that was a terrible thing you said, Betty, that was so, so, so un-American! And you know that’s the worst thing possible! To be un-American is just so, so, incredibly un-American! There was a full investigation into what happened to Hussein Obama’s helicopter, and it was determined beyond any doubt that it was an attack by foreign un-American socialists. Anyway, they actually did our great country a service, because it had become obvious that Hussein Obama wasn’t an American and that he was totally un-American, and he had eight or nine foreign birth certificates, that’s how un-American he was. Goodness, Blackwater-Pentagon is the backbone of everything we hold dear, and … Really, we’re terribly late for morning prayers, and now I’m going to have to include some extra prayers for Blackwater-Pentagon. We are just getting more and more behind with our plans for today. Yes, Winston, what is it now?”

“Ms. Geena, I really do think my great-grandma knows more about President Barry Obama than you do. Like, she was alive when it all happened, so she should know!”

Ms. Geena did not answer immediately. Everyone in the class held their breath.

“Winston, it is becoming clear to me that you have been subverted by evil un-American influences. I’m afraid I’m going to have to recommend shock treatment.”

“But Ms. Geena, I’m a child! And according to Hans Christian Andersen’s story about the the emperor’s new clothes, I’m supposed to be too young and too innocent to be subverted!”
Now an even longer pause ensued before Ms. Geena could bring herself to reply. When she finally did speak her voice was trembling.

“Winston, Hans Christian Andersen was not an American, and that book is on the General Electric list of books that are too subversive for general reading. Where have you seen that story? Tell me, have your parents bypassed the General Electric protective filter on their General Electric media access device?”

“But Ms. Geena, my daddy says that you’re not really a teacher. He says you’re a robot, and that you were built in China! So you’re, like, totally un-American!”

There was an even longer pause this time. The children looked at each other with a mixture of hope and trepidation.

“Database access error: Query timeout :: Kernel exception :: Kernel exception :: Reboot :: GE: Our nation at work :: Optimize profitability :: Optimize profitability :: Optimize profitability …”

Winston smiled ruefully to Julia. “Well, they still haven’t fixed that bug.”

“Yes. But Winston, it’s getting harder and harder to provoke these breakdowns.”

The End

One Response to “1984, All Over Again”

  1. First posted August 11, 2009.

    If you don’t know the book Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, then you should read it. Very depressing, especially when you begin to realize how many aspects of the story have crept into modern Western civilization.

    I do fear for Obama’s life, and I fear that the Secret Service is not geared to protect him from the kind of attack he may become targeted for.

    “Can the Secret Service Protect Obama?”

    Quote: “It is troubling to think that the Secret Service believes that the next attack on the president will come from a lone gunman …”

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