Barack Obama Admits that He’s a Marxist


President Obama was holding his 35th prime-time TV and radio press conference about health care. His strategy was becoming evident: monopolize the airwaves and bore the hell out of everyone until congress finally gave in and passed something or other.

“Mr. President,” asked Gennifer Wannabee of the Wall Street Journal, “no waffling on this one, please. Is it true that you are a Marxist?”

“Yes,” replied Obama. “Next question?”

A moment of stunned silence ensued, and then pandemonium broke loose. Obama pointed out one of the frantically waving reporters.

“That was, uh, surprising, sir. Let’s get this straight, Mr. President. You believe in the teachings of Karl Marx?”

“No,” deadpanned Obama, “Groucho. Next question?”

Thus started a series of events that later became known as “the Marxist revolution”.

The mainstream media covered the exchange again and again, getting comments from not just the usual pundits but from practically anyone who had an opinion about anything vaguely related. The right-wing media, of course, stuck to the first half of the exchange. Matt Drudge was especially ecstatic, keeping the blinking siren running constantly on his web site for the next five days, with headlines like “OBAMA’S ADMISSION”, “CAUGHT OUT BY THE WSJ” and “KARL WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD”.

The exchange also resulted in a huge revival of interest in Groucho Marx and The Marx Brothers. “Groucho Marx” was the top search phrase on Google and YouTube for the next three days, and downloads, rentals and purchases of the old Marx Brothers films skyrocketed.

On the seventh day, America woke up to discover that a health care bill had been passed by the Senate and the House! Arms had been twisted, favors promised, and deals had been struck. Several senators and congressmen who were normally opposed to the legislation admitted that the lack of media attention had made it difficult to threaten any viable backlash. Lobbyists were tearing their hair out, with one of them sobbing, “when I call Senator Reid, he says that the only thing his constituents want to hear about is his position re the Groucho Marx nonsense!”

The replacement for Medicare thus became commonly known as “Marxicare”. Republicans tried to make “Marxicare” a term of derision, but to their dismay the name gradually became first neutral, and then regarded as a positive concept.

As for Gennifer Wannabee, the Wall Street Journal was very close-lipped. “Ms. Wannabee is no longer employed here,” was all that they would say.

One Response to “Barack Obama Admits that He’s a Marxist”

  1. First posted July 27, 2009.

    At the time I wrote this nobody dreamed that the health care legislation would drag on for another eight months, and then finally be passed. Back then the expection was that it would be passed fairly soon, or else would be derailed permanently.

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