The Eight Steps to Total Inner Peace

26Mar10

Greetings, greetings, my name is Yogi Levita Parana, and I come to you from India. You have probably heard of me and my growing following, my many disciples, all over the world. They say I am a guru, but I say no, I am no guru, I did not choose myself to become the spiritual leader of my growing flock. We are as one, and I am only leader because I was chosen, and now I wish to reveal to you how you too can achieve total inner peace. I wish to help you to attain the sublime state of consciousness that precludes all doubt and bad vibrations. You must dedicate yourself to my teachings, I mean, our teachings, and you must open your heart to the Parana eight step mental enlightenment plan. Please, there is only one way, and it is the eight step Parana way.

The eight step Parana guide to total inner peace:

1. You must strive to achieve a state of child-like simplicity.

2. You must meditate when you are in doubt, and through meditation expel from your brain any tendencies towards curiosity.

3. You must cleanse your mind of all conflicting information, recognizing that information leads to confusion.

4. You must accept the principle that knowledge is of no use without understanding, and understanding is an illusion.

5. You must develop an internal trance state that becomes your defence against ideas that attack your mental equilibrium.

6. You must learn to deflect problematic thoughts, and to focus your mind on things that are simple and pleasurable, like food and drink.

7. You must avoid people who profess to wanting to educate you, realizing that they will only upset your inner balance.

8. You must wholeheartedly embrace the ideal that “ignorance is bliss”.

I, Yogi Levita Parana, assure you, I can guarantee to you, that if you apply yourself diligently to the above regime, to the eight step Parana way, that you will some day achieve the ultimate in mental tranquility.

One day you will wake up to discover that you have become a Republican.

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2 Responses to “The Eight Steps to Total Inner Peace”

  1. First posted July 29, 2009.

    One funny experience I had was that when I posted this story at Daily Kos I got a “troll vote” from someone who completely misunderstood what I was saying; he wrote “HR’d for telling me that if I don’t accept your bullshit I’ll turn into a Republican.”

  2. Regarding point 8: You must wholeheartedly embrace the ideal that “ignorance is bliss” …

    I’ve become aware of a book entitled, “If Ignorance Is Bliss, Why Aren’t There More Happy People?”
    http://www.amazon.com/Ignorance-Bliss-Arent-There-People/dp/0307460665

    Sounds like a reasonable question to me!


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