Republican Pi-Deniers Deny Discrimination


Randy Neugebauer (R-TX), one of the ten Republican congressmen who had voted against Pi Day, vehemently denied accusations that his vote was due to discrimination against irrational numbers. “I don’t have anything against irrational numbers,” Congressman Neugebauer asserted when cornered by a reporter from The Mathematical Journal. “OK, they do have a tendency to go on and on, and I wouldn’t want them around my children, but I do realize that irrational numbers are here to stay, so we all have to tolerate them.”

Asked if his attitudes didn’t represent an irrational fear of irrational numbers, Mr. Neugebauer became quite incensed. “There’s nothing irrational about it! I just happen to like natural numbers, like 1 and 2 and so on. Those are the kind of numbers you can trust and depend on! Irrational numbers aren’t, well, they just aren’t my cup of tea. But if you prefer to pal around with irrational numbers, well, that’s your choice.”

Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX), another of the ten pi-deniers, also rejected suggestions of discrimination. “It is true that I have a compulsive dislike of zero and negative numbers, but I am aware of my prejudices and I work hard to keep them under control. Irrational numbers, even imaginary numbers, they do not bother me at all. Please keep your ridiculous theories to yourself.”

Jeff Flake (R-AZ) was less evasive when asked if his vote against Pi Day was based on discrimination. “Look, it’s not personal, OK? I’ve got nothing personal against pi or any other irrational number. But it’s a free country, right? And let’s face it, we do have a serious situation here. You can’t avoid the facts. I’ve seen it with my own eyes! They forced this stuff on me in high school. The circumference of a circle is 2 x pi x r, they told us. Can’t you see what’s happening? You let a natural number and an irrational number get together, and they start multiplying!”

One Response to “Republican Pi-Deniers Deny Discrimination”

  1. First posted Dec. 9, 2009.

    For the first congressman I mention in my story I’d picked Randy Neugebauer (R-TX) at random from among the 10 Republican congressmen who had voted against PI Day. I’d never heard of him before.

    PI Day is March 14, and in 2010, one week after PI Day, Randy Neugebauer became famous for shouting “baby killer” at Democratic Congressman Bart Stupak during the final passage of the health care bill.

    Bart Stupak should have shouted back, “PI Day killer!”

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