Redistribution of wealth really works!

04May10

Robert Gibbs, the White House Press Secretary, was all smiles as he handed out a written statement to the reporters gathered for the daily White House briefing:

POLL SHOWS OBAMA WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION WORKS!

A recent CBS / NY Times poll confirms that the Obama administration’s aggressive wealth redistribution policies are working! Key findings:

  61% of all Democrats are getting richer, only 7% getting poorer
  16% of all Republicans are getting richer, while 23% are getting poorer

Bottom line: Money talks, and its flowing to Democratic voters! Suck it up, Party of No’ers!

Source: http://www.cbsnews.com/htdocs/pdf/poll_obama_050310.pdf

— end —

Many of the reporters present expressed skepticism. “Robert, that’s not what that poll says!” opined Linda Jones of the Washington Post. “It says 61% of Democrats think the economy is getting better, and 23% of Republicans think it’s getting worse. That’s not the same thing.”

“Of course it is!” countered Robert Gibbs. “When you ask someone if the economy is good or bad, they answer based on their personal situation. Look, Republicans may be idiots, but when 23% of them say the economy is getting worse, it’s because the economy is getting worse, for them. It’s President Obama’s great vision at work!”

Prescott Aversione of ABC News wasn’t convinced. “Robert, I think there are some other factors involved, like wishful thinking and party-line loyalty and the influence of the person’s prefered media. It can’t really be true that four times as many Democrats as Republicans are experiencing increased incomes – that makes no sense, unless you have a more convincing explanation.”

“Look Prescott, it’s not so hard to figure out. It works like this: Republicans are stupid, and under the Bush administration it was profitable to do stupid things like putting your money in a Ponzi scheme or being a contractor who rips off the U.S. Government or putting your money in investments that exploit the middle class with financial constructions designed to fail. Now, with President Obama at the helm, it’s not so smart to do stupid things. Now it’s time for us Democrats to reap the financial rewards of being much more intelligent than the knuckle-draggers.”

“So what’s the ultimate goal here, Robert?” asked Linda Jones. “Are you hoping to push all Republicans into poverty?”

“Yeah, that would be great,” was Robert Gibbs’ reply, as his face lit up in a beatific smile. “Couldn’t happen to a sweeter bunch of assholes. Let’s face it, for eight years those morons did everything they could so the super-rich could get richer while all the rest of us paid the bill. Unfortunately, I doubt it will work like that. Republicans may be dumb, but at some point most of them will realize that those times are gone forever, and they need to get on the winning side. They aren’t going to sit around and watch the stock market go up and the Democrats’ wealth go up while they chant ‘hell no’ to everything while getting poorer and poorer. One last question?”

Jefferson Bladder-Slough of Fox News had been getting redder and redder in the face. Now he exploded, “That’s frigging socialism! God meant that the rich should be rich! That’s why He gave them money, and no conscience! Obama is a communist, and you’re his pitiful lackey!”

Robert Gibbs just rolled his eyes and said, “Point taken, Jefferson. See you all again tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen.” He was laughing and patting his trouser pocket where he kept his wallet as he left the room.

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2 Responses to “Redistribution of wealth really works!”

  1. 1 bubbles

    hi Rennie…followed you from mudflats. you have a wonderfully witty style and i like your blog. i hope you come back and be a part of the ‘flats community. i am going to tell a few of my friends about you and i will be back to enjoy your stories…love bubbles

    • Hi Bubbles, and thanks.

      > i hope you come back and be a part of the ‘flats community

      But I never left! I’m still posting at The Mudflats, as well as here, except when I write something that only hard-core nerds will understand.


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