Hey Pakistan, Please Block My Blog!

25Jun10

Open letter to the Pakistani authorities in charge of this nonsense: “Pakistan scours Google, other sites for blasphemy”.

Please Pakistan, block my blog! Nobody ever comes here anyway, and maybe I could get some traffic if my blog ends up on some list of banned blogs. All that attraction of “forbidden fruits”, you know …

Oh, you’re only blocking sites that are blasphemous? OK, how about this:

Jesus Puts His Money in the Bank of Montreal

(music: Battle Hymn of the Republic,
http://lcweb2.loc.gov/natlib/ihas/service/patriotic/100010386/100010386.mp3)

Jesus puts His money in the Bank of Montreal,
Jesus puts His money in the Bank of Montreal,
Jesus puts His money in the Bank of Montreal,
Jesus saves! Jesus saves! Jesus saves!

Hmm, that’s not blasphemous enough for you? OK, how about this one?

Plastic Jesus

(Here’s a YouTube version with Paul Newman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHf7TD4qwjk.)

I don’t care if it rains or freezes
‘Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car!
Through my trials and tribulations
And my travels through the nations
With my plastic Jesus I’ll go far!

I don’t care if the night is scary
As long as I got the Virgin Mary
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car!
She don’t slip and She don’t slide
‘Cause Her ass is magnetized
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car!

Oh, I see, I’ve got to be blasphemous about Muhammad to make it with you guys? No problem, I can be an “equal opportunity” blasphemer. Here’s something I wrote myself (well, just the words, not the music):

We’ll be Drawing Old Muhammad on the Wall

(music: She’ll be coming ’round the mountain,
http://www.niehs.nih.gov/kids/lyrics/mountain.htm)

We’ll be drawing old Muhammad on the wall,
We’ll be drawing old Muhammad on the wall,
For even Muslims must admit it,
You don’t need a special permit,
To be drawing old Muhammad on the wall.

We’ll be spraying old Muhammad on the wall,
We’ll be spraying old Muhammad on the wall,
With graffiti that’s persisting,
We will show that we’re insisting,
On our right to spray The Prophet on the wall.

We’ll be painting old Muhammad on the wall,
We’ll be painting old Muhammad on the wall,
Now some claim that He’s angelic,
So we’ll paint Him psychedelic,
We sure hope He likes His pictures on the wall.

We’ll be etching old Muhammad on the wall,
We’ll be etching old Muhammad on the wall,
‘Cause we need to make a stand,
Or our rights they will get banned,
And we’ll find ourselves lined up against the wall.

(For some background information as to why I wrote this, see here.)

Now, will you please block my blog?

By the way, I’d just like to mention that I don’t have anything much against Jesus or Muhammad. Or against Christians or Muslims, in general.

But to any religious fanatic who thinks that your religious beliefs trump my freedom of speech, here’s what I think: You can kiss my shiny white atheist ass!

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4 Responses to “Hey Pakistan, Please Block My Blog!”

  1. 1 bubbles

    what do you mean no body comes to your blog?
    i am a body and i love your blog.

  2. 3 Sirenoftitan

    You left out the Spaghetti Monster in the sky. 🙂


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